I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
