At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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