my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
