I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
