I feel like I'm in dance class right now
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
