Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
