You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
