I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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