You work out of a Hotel?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
