woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
