When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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