How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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