vagina is talking i cant
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
