FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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