im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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