She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
