He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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