I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
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