More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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