why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
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