I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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