Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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