After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
