My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
