I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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