im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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