Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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