I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
