do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
