I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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