One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
