He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
