FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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