I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
