Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
