I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
