is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
