Well douche your snatch and let's go!
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
