Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
