I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
