OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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