Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
