I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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