In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
