before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
