Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Everyone says I win the strip club
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Randomize
