I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
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