please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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