At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
