yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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