Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
There's even glitter on my cock...
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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