I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
