I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
