there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Randomize
