My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
